Small wins

I have officially been on Jamrock for over 7 months now!  I really wanted to blog more often, but have been super busy with school starting, being deathly ill, and then the first of three week long Peace Corps conferences.  I hate when it’s been so long since my last blog that I just don’t know where to begin. 

I suppose, first, I should say that I am slowly adjusting to this life being my reality and Jamaica my home.  Although this has not come without much trial and tribulation, I seem to have gotten through the worst of it (fingers crossed).  The week between Emancipation Day (August 1^st) and Independence Day (August 6^th) when everyone on this island was swelling with national pride, I was silently freaking out.  As hundreds of Jamaicans were singing Jamaica land of my birth I couldn’t help but feel out of place as the only (and I mean ONLY) whitey within miles.  I felt pretty intensely alone until I started befriending some locals.  Helpful as they were with feeling integrated, my new found friends also meant that I did not devote myself fully to preparing for the coming school year and conference.

School started on September 3^rd, and I spent the first week just evaluating the weakest students’ reading levels.  At first, I was set to work with 36 (out of the 80ish total in my school) boys and girls between grades one and five in groups of one to six students.   I soon realized that I would have to be superwoman to give individual attention to nearly half the school and actually have them learn anything at all in my time here, so we cut it down to 22.  I have some students who are in 3^rd grade and are challenged to make the sounds of the alphabet, so they really do need a lot of attention to catch up.  It was, however, reassuring to evaluate many of the students reading levels because while some of them are reading up to three grade levels below where they should be others are reading three grade levels above.  Needless to say, I have had the opportunity to utilize all my new found patience or, as they say in Patwa, tek time. 

So, as it turns out, I can totally do this job.  I have to admit that I was a bit skeptical at first, not being a trained teacher at all let alone certified to teach children to read and write.  I have had a wealth of information passed on to me from current and past volunteers, staff, and professional resources that has made all the difference.  Just the other day, this second grade girl in one of my groups looked up at me in the middle of a session and said, “Miss, you’re a good person.”  I was so full of pride and happiness at this not only because it was a kind thing for her to say, but also because she used perfect English.  It sounds insignificant, but that is the kind of “small win” (as Peace Corps would say) that gets me through the tough days.

After getting my footing at school, I most unfortunately became very, very ill.   For about 10 days I felt I was potentially on my death bed.  Long story short, I was back and forth to the doctor three times in a week.  I should mention that this doctor is a half hour bush taxi ride and 10 minute walk up a very steep hill away.  Maybe that doesn’t sound so bad, but just try to picture cramming 6-8 adults in a regular sized sedan on a sweltering day when you feel you may have to vomit at any moment and then top it off with a vertical jaunt up the road.  I was really glad that the first time I had to do this I had a fever over 100°F so the heat was almost comforting.  Anyways, the very competent (insert sarcastic tone here) doctor told me I had a flu at first and gave me three prescriptions for just that.  Five days later when I was still unable to eat or even move without assistance, a community member carried me back and he said (SURPRISE) I was dehydrated.  IV fluids and three more prescriptions were the recommendation that day.  Three days after that, I finally felt a little better, but then my arms and legs had turned purple from a mysterious rash.  It could have been one of the six medications I was on, but isn’t it odd that an allergic reaction did not spread all over my body?  Nope.  Must be allergies.  Three more prescriptions still.  I stopped taking them at this point.  I slowly got better with rest and fluids, and began to hear murmurs in the community of dengue fever going around the island.  Look it up.  I literally had every symptom, and if I was elderly or immune system compromised I could have died.  When I tried to get the test results of my blood work just to solve the mystery, naturally it was impossible to get the results and the doctor and the phone in the same room long enough to call me.  The world will never know for sure, but I am seriously thinking of having a t-shirt made that reads: I survived dengue fever and all I got was this stupid shirt. 

During the time that I was ill, I discovered the true depth of the loss of my privacy and independence.  This arose because I literally had several community members so concerned for me that they were bringing over food for days.  At first, I was incredibly touched and appreciative, but all that gratitude was washed away when I realized it was only because they thought I had fallen ill due to my inability to construct a well balanced meal and clean my home properly.  Not only is everything I do seen, heard, and scrutinized, but it is then announced publicly when concerned parties are present to discuss how to remedy the conundrums of the white girl.  To my community, I am basically the feral puppy.  They fail to see where the offense is in treating me this way, so I mostly put on a smile and say thanks, but no thanks.

Similarly when I venture out of my tiny village, I am sometimes mistaken for a toddler or a mentally handicapped person.  By this I mean that I have had simple things explained to me as if I were not the educated twenty something woman of the world that I so clearly am.  I believe this is mostly because people think whatever they are describing is unique to Jamaica.  While these descriptions can sometimes be helpful, I do not however need to have what an almond is explained to me (just for example).  I mean, he really went on about how it is like a peanut but different, very good for you, and full of protein.  Wow.  The almond guy came at the end of a very long day full of very aggressive Jamaicans saying nonsense things to me, and he was the straw that broke the camel’s back.  Actually the comment that tipped me over the edge was when he generously proclaimed that he would not be charging me for his tour guide services which I (apparently erroneously) viewed as him creepily following me around the market.  For my first real freak out in public I guess it could have been worse, but I was left feeling pretty badly when I told him to back off (very loudly) and then I realized he was a madman and he continued to follow me around the market shouting about how he hates all white people.  Good job.  I’m supposed to be creating a better understanding of Americans and this is what I get when I finally lose my cool to the millionth pest.  Anyhow, the good news is he did not get aggressive towards me.  This is something I really should be more cognizant of before opening my mouth in an unkind way in this country. 

There have been more violent crimes than usual committed against women, gays, and even teachers in the JA news lately.  If you haven’t heard about it, I will not encourage you to investigate, but just know that I live in a very small and very safe community where the last crime committed was a theft about 5 years ago and is still mentioned weekly to remind the children and other community members of the importance of safety.  Also regarding the recent hurricane, never fear Peace Corps is here.  They evacuate us in the event of any real danger and their threshold for that is certainly much lower than mine is.  In addition, we PCV’s have a fantastic Safety and Security Coordinator (SSC) to advise us in the safety department.  She was, in fact, voted the best Peace Corps SSC in the world. 

On that note, I nearly forgot to say a bit about our Peace Corps Early Service Conference.  Well, it was a combination Project Design and Management workshop as well as ESC.  The PDM part was not a lot of new information for the PCV’s but provided good reminders of stuff I already know and ESC was a great time to reconnect with my fellow volunteers, not to mention an awesome opportunity for a member of my community.  It was a weeklong seminar at an all inclusive resort (oh, woe is me) in which we had to plan a project (outside my day to day job of making the world more literate) with a Jamaican project partner that we want to implement in our community.  This project is based on the information in that report for Peace Corps I did so much belly aching about in September.  I had to do a great deal of research on the current position of my community, its history, and the wants and needs of its members as well as the feasibility of said project given the resources available.  With that foundation, my community partner and I began planning to complete construction on a library and resource center that the last PCV in my village started and could not complete due to funding falling through some years ago.  The idea is to solve several community issues in one project.  In one fell swoop we will create a library, a computer lab, a place for the youth to gather and more space for the primary school as well as have a facility to initiate adult education classes and thereby create better job opportunities by giving people new skills.  The scope of this project is huge and just thinking about it kind of scares me, but I gained the support of the community at the last PTA meeting and will be starting the planning and grant writing process very soon.  Hopefully I will have more to report in my next blog, but at this point I will consider myself lucky if I see this project to completion before May 2014 when I leave.  Although, at this rate I may be half way through the project by the next time I blog.  Just kidding!  I will make a serious effort to be at least monthly with my updates.  Thanks for hanging in there for such a long post!